Я знаю много, но помню мало.

Люди - как мыши. Отдельно смотришь - хорошенький трогательный зверек. А как в доме заведется - сразу хочется отравить!

Стресс - это когда с криком просыпаешься и понимаешь, что еще не уснул.

Если тебя все время тянет к положительным людям, значит ты отрицательный!

Хочешь знать правду? Читай таблицу умножения.

Жениться ради секса - это то же самое, что ради литра молока заводить корову
(немецкая поговорка)

Чем думали, то и получилось.

Temperature Extremes:



+ 20 C - Greeks put on sweaters (if they can find them)

+ 15 C - Hawaiians turn on the heaters (if they have them)

+ 10 C - Americans shake, Russians are planting cucumbers.

+ 5 C - You can see your own breathing. Italian cars don't start. Norwegians take a bath. Russians drive with lowered windows.



0 C - Water freezes in America and thickens in Russia.

- 5 C - French cars don't start.

- 10 C - You're planning a vacation to Australia.

- 15 C - Your cat insists to sleep in your bed. Norwegians put on sweaters.

- 18 C - New York landlords turn on the heaters. Russians make their last seasonal picnic.

- 20 C - American cars don't start. People in Alaska start wearing long-sleeves.

- 25 C - German cars don't start. Hawaiians are dead.

- 30 C - Politicians start talking about homeless people. Your cat prefers to sleep in your pajamas.

- 35 C - Too cold to think. Japanese cars don't start.

- 40 C - You're planning a 2-week hot tub bath. Swedish cars don't start.

- 42 C - Transportation stops in Europe. Russians still eat ice cream on the street.

- 45 C - All Greeks are dead. Politicians really start doing something for the remaining homeless.

- 50 C - Your eyelids start sticking when you blink. In Alaska, people close the window in the bathroom.

- 60 C - White bears start moving south.

- 70 C - The hell froze.

- 73 C - Finnish special services evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland. Russians wear earmuff hats.

- 80 C - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-114 C - Ethyl alcohol is freezing. Russians are unhappy.

-273 C - Absolute zero, atomic movement stops. Russians wear boots.

-295 C - 90% of the planet is dead. Russian soccer team becomes the world champion.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables: 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third... used to communicate a pithy, timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. The essence of Zen..


Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crash'd.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No-one hears your screams.

Yesterday it work'd.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank

There is no I in team, but there are 2 in idiot

Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around.

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

There are always four sides to every story: your side, their side, the truth, and what really happened.

Два профессора беседуют о том, что озарения часто приходят во сне. Один говорит: я на этот случай держу на тумбочке бумагу и ручку. Второй: а я держу в постели молодую стенографистку...

Sex

Sex something that evolves over the years from tri-weekly to try weekly to try weakly.

A woman without a man is like a fish without bicycle.

The only really happy people married woman and single man.

Is that a pistol in your pocket or you are just glad to see me?

Boy: I’ll come straight to the point. I’m only in town for a few hours, so do you want to go to bed with me or not?
Girl: Well, I would not normally, but you’ve talked me into it.

I’m sorry, I don’t sleep with strangers. What did you say your name was?

Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn’t have it, the chances are you won’t either.